Starting Again

OK I have to do better today. The weight is starting to interfere with my movement. It’s hard to sit down. Going to the commode and getting into the van are the worst things that I have to do all day long.

So I want to try to train myself to take pictures of the food that I eat all day. But I forgot breakfast. LOL. It was two burritos from McDonald’s.

I’m going to try low-carb. And leave this open until I finish today so I’ll be back later for lunch.

From Accessed 3/4/18.

This song was sung in church this morning. I know Jesus was speaking to me through it. He is with me! He has assured me that we will do this successfully together!

You said You’d come and share all my sorrows, You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows; I came so close to sending You away, But just like You promised You came there to stay; I just had to pray!

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side, I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied; I saw ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried, And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”

Your goodness so great I can’t understand, but, dear Lord, I know now that all this was planned; I know You’re here now, and always will be, Your love loosed my chains and in You I’m free; But Jesus, why me?

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side, I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied; I saw ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried, And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”

Jesus, I give You my heart and my soul, I know that without God I’d never be whole; Savior, You opened all the right doors, And I thank You and praise You from earth’s humble shores; Take me, I’m Yours.

And Jesus said, “Come to the water, stand by My side, I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied; I saw ev’ry teardrop when in darkness you cried, And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”

Lunch was a club salad from Subway. I did take a picture… I just need to figure out how to post it here.

Supper was a salad with pork roast. I forgot the picture.

I was successful today. Thank you Jesus!


06/18/2017: Day 37


I’ve been enjoying summer and being too lazy to write. So I thought I’d check in and let you know things are OK. I still haven’t cheated! God is great!

One thing I realized yesterday as we did our shopping is that I am greedy. I used to be able to buy food or eat food to satisfy that “wanting” feeling. Now I cannot and it hurts.

There’s nothing I “want” that seems satisfying.

  • Clothes No.
  • Pocket Books no.
  • Electronics… well there’s the new Surface but realistically no money so… No.
  • Food… no.

Ugh. Greed is not something Jesus wants us to have in our life. It appears I’ve discovered another lesson. Be satisfied with what you have instead of always thinking you need something more. Sigh. Thank you, Jesus!

We had a carry-in for Father’s Day after church. I did good! Mostly, I’m really excited for Mike because he didn’t get any dessert! That’s a miracle. He really is trying to do good now.

The question I’m dwelling on is… If I say “ooooh” to food, wishing I could eat it plus acknowledging how delicious it would be, is that sinful lust? Or am I just doing a great coping measure because then I do not eat the food?

06/10/2017: Day 29

Didn’t write yesterday but I want to make sure I tell you about it. So it appears that I’m constipated. I can’t poop. I guess I am a little bit but then nothing really comes out. I finally called the cancer people to tell them about it. I’m figuring that it’s the estrogen blocking pill that’s making this happen. And sure enough, that is one of the side effects of the pill. So they’ve given me a light laxative: the generic brand of Senokot-S.

Mike wanted to take me to this place in Charlottesville that has free ice cream. He was hoping that ice cream would make me poop all of a sudden. I just started crying because I thought “I don’t want ice cream because that will make me have done something bad and I haven’t done anything bad as far as eating food after all these days.” I didn’t want to do that again. Isn’t it funny though that the thought of eating something good like ice cream got me upset because I didn’t want to break my good eating habits? I thought that was pretty good that I’m at that stage. But I was shocked that breaking it would bring me to tears.

But as of now there still no poop…

06/06/2017: Day 25

Yesterday, the hospital called and there was a cancellation. I was able to go do the evaluation for the aqua therapy early! Woot! Woot! God is good!

This morning, we got up & went to Charlottesville to find a plus size bathing suit. Ugh. Mike was great, as usual, & helped a lot. We started at Kmart which is going out of business. I just got a bottom piece. None of the one-pieces seemed big enough.

Side Note: Toys are 40% off! Got a few for Noah. It was so much fun looking for him. This store has brought in more merchandise than they normally have so it was also a great selection.

We went to JC Penny & some plus-sized store (I forget the name) but the bathing suits were way too expensive. But with trying them on, I realized I cannot wear a one-piece in my condition so I knew I had to go for the two piece. Finally found a good top at Belk.

Next, we went to the therapy session! Since there were stairs, they used a chair lift to get me in the pool. I freaked out going in the water. I finally got calm & the session went great. I felt like “Vickie” was back. I now want to live in water. I’d say my pain level went from a 7 to a 2 while I was in that water. It was terrific!

That being said, leaving the water I was hit with instant pain (level 8/9) instantly. This whole experience makes me realize how much of “me” is gone. Sure, we can say the degenerative bone disease was my genes but we can’t ignore the weight issue. I wish I could warn other people how bad food addiction is.  It was fun at the time but the penalty I’m living right now… well, it just wasn’t worth it.

However, I am thrilled  I got to go in the water and I’m just going to continue to trust God that there is healing in the future for me.

05/19/2017: Day 7

Today’s weight journey took me to being in yearbook’s class as they had food… Pizza Hut pizza, Martin’s BBQ Chips, cookies and worst of all snack mix! Snack mix is probably my favorite thing ever… I was in the same room with this food for 3 long hours because it was exam time. Several people asked to fix me food. Everyone is so nice!

But I kept praying and thanks be to God, I resisted the temptation and didn’t eat anything!!!!!

It was so hard… snack mix…


WEIGHT: 313.2 (315-313.2=1.8 DOWN)

05/18/2017: Day 6

We went to Mike’s school tonight to a school thing for Mike. And we had to pass by Dairy Queen. We didn’t stop or anything. But I tell you, it hurt my soul; it hurt my head. I just wanted to stop and get a Blizzard. It was pure and simple just a habit then I’m used to being in. When we come out here, we always get something to eat on the way home…


and I wanted something to eat…


All I knew was that Dairy Queen was there and so I’m suppose to get a Blizzard…


…but I really didn’t want anything to eat…


My memories just thought I wanted something to eat…


So, I cried and prayed I got through it. With God, it was handled!


WEIGHT: 314.7 (315-314.7=0.3 DOWN)


I’m 54, married to the world’s best husband (Mike) for 34 years with two twenty-something sons! Mike & I are both school teachers.

I was recently (July 2016) diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Plus, I have a degenerative bone disease that has taken out my right hip so that walking hurts. I need a total hip replacement but am not allowed until I lose 115 pounds! They say I need a gastric bypass surgery but my insurance won’t cover it. So it looks like I have to do this the old fashion way. I’m thinking a blog may help me be accountable.

This blog is a way to get me through this weight loss journey I am now taking with the help of Jesus. I hope to write a little each day. I’m calling it “Grandma Lilley’s Weight Loss Journey.” Why you ask? There are several reasons…

1. The reason for this journey is that I have to lose 115 pounds! Besides cancer, I have a degenerative bone disease that has wiped out my right hip. That’s why I’m in pain. They say I need a total hip replacement but am ineligible until I lose 115 pounds. I can’t do a weight loss surgery because our insurance doesn’t cover it. Sounds like I’m headed on a journey, right?

2. “Grandma” because I just want to be able to really play with Noah

3. “Weight Journey” because I have to keep 115 pounds! This will let me get my feelings out.

4. “Weight” is like “wait.” I’m going to have to be patient and wait a lot to get through this.

If you are reading this, I need you to pray for me. I can’t do this on my own. God is so there got me but God I want your prayers! Thank you! Let’s get started…