06/18/2017: Day 37

Hello!

I’ve been enjoying summer and being too lazy to write. So I thought I’d check in and let you know things are OK. I still haven’t cheated! God is great!

One thing I realized yesterday as we did our shopping is that I am greedy. I used to be able to buy food or eat food to satisfy that “wanting” feeling. Now I cannot and it hurts.

There’s nothing I “want” that seems satisfying.

  • Clothes No.
  • Pocket Books no.
  • Electronics… well there’s the new Surface but realistically no money so… No.
  • Food… no.

Ugh. Greed is not something Jesus wants us to have in our life. It appears I’ve discovered another lesson. Be satisfied with what you have instead of always thinking you need something more. Sigh. Thank you, Jesus!

We had a carry-in for Father’s Day after church. I did good! Mostly, I’m really excited for Mike because he didn’t get any dessert! That’s a miracle. He really is trying to do good now.

The question I’m dwelling on is… If I say “ooooh” to food, wishing I could eat it plus acknowledging how delicious it would be, is that sinful lust? Or am I just doing a great coping measure because then I do not eat the food?

06/10/2017: Day 29

Didn’t write yesterday but I want to make sure I tell you about it. So it appears that I’m constipated. I can’t poop. I guess I am a little bit but then nothing really comes out. I finally called the cancer people to tell them about it. I’m figuring that it’s the estrogen blocking pill that’s making this happen. And sure enough, that is one of the side effects of the pill. So they’ve given me a light laxative: the generic brand of Senokot-S.

Mike wanted to take me to this place in Charlottesville that has free ice cream. He was hoping that ice cream would make me poop all of a sudden. I just started crying because I thought “I don’t want ice cream because that will make me have done something bad and I haven’t done anything bad as far as eating food after all these days.” I didn’t want to do that again. Isn’t it funny though that the thought of eating something good like ice cream got me upset because I didn’t want to break my good eating habits? I thought that was pretty good that I’m at that stage. But I was shocked that breaking it would bring me to tears.

But as of now there still no poop…