I haven’t written for a while because there really hasn’t been much to write about. The weight is going pretty good. This morning I was at 300. 9 pounds! So that would mean that I’ve lost 14.1 pounds since this all began.
I’m having moments like when I look at food and wonder is this lust that I’m feeling. So I talked to Pastor Lehman or Phil Lehman on Sunday. He explained there may be a fine line between temptation and lust but as long as I’m not dwelling on it then I’m probably not crossing that line. I think I’m OK with that.
My oldest son came in from Ohio and visit with us. That was a lot of fun. It would be nice to have family closer to where we live but not so far away.
The aqua therapy is pretty much done for now unless insurance will cover more sessions. I go Thursday for an a evaluation which I’m not really sure what that means. But a friend of ours has said we can come over and use their pool so we might start that next week regardless.
I’ve been enjoying summer and being too lazy to write. So I thought I’d check in and let you know things are OK. I still haven’t cheated! God is great!
One thing I realized yesterday as we did our shopping is that I am greedy. I used to be able to buy food or eat food to satisfy that “wanting” feeling. Now I cannot and it hurts.
There’s nothing I “want” that seems satisfying.
- Clothes No.
- Pocket Books no.
- Electronics… well there’s the new Surface but realistically no money so… No.
- Food… no.
Ugh. Greed is not something Jesus wants us to have in our life. It appears I’ve discovered another lesson. Be satisfied with what you have instead of always thinking you need something more. Sigh. Thank you, Jesus!
We had a carry-in for Father’s Day after church. I did good! Mostly, I’m really excited for Mike because he didn’t get any dessert! That’s a miracle. He really is trying to do good now.
The question I’m dwelling on is… If I say “ooooh” to food, wishing I could eat it plus acknowledging how delicious it would be, is that sinful lust? Or am I just doing a great coping measure because then I do not eat the food?
The constipation is fixed! The Floodgates have opened! Woot! Woot! It feels good!
I guess I just have to realize that a bunch of medicine is what I need for now. With the 5-year cancer pill, I’m going to need this generic Senokot S. It will combat those side effects.
I also weighed myself and at least the scales have moved. I’ve lost 6.3 pounds in 31 days. That’s pretty good & I need to be more positive about it! Thank you, God! Way to go Vickie!
WEIGHT: 308.7 (315-308.7= 6.3 DOWN)
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said:“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. – Mark 8:34-35
Day 30 of eating healthy!
Didn’t write yesterday but I want to make sure I tell you about it. So it appears that I’m constipated. I can’t poop. I guess I am a little bit but then nothing really comes out. I finally called the cancer people to tell them about it. I’m figuring that it’s the estrogen blocking pill that’s making this happen. And sure enough, that is one of the side effects of the pill. So they’ve given me a light laxative: the generic brand of Senokot-S.
Mike wanted to take me to this place in Charlottesville that has free ice cream. He was hoping that ice cream would make me poop all of a sudden. I just started crying because I thought “I don’t want ice cream because that will make me have done something bad and I haven’t done anything bad as far as eating food after all these days.” I didn’t want to do that again. Isn’t it funny though that the thought of eating something good like ice cream got me upset because I didn’t want to break my good eating habits? I thought that was pretty good that I’m at that stage. But I was shocked that breaking it would bring me to tears.
But as of now there still no poop…
Today was the second day of the swimming therapy or should I say aqua therapy. It was painful; that’s exaggerating, it hurt a lot but it was bearable. She said I’m swollen on my right side and muscles are really tight.
I just hate that I have done this to myself. I know that the degenerative disease is part of the problem but we have to, I have to face the fact that me eating so much is part of the reason that I’m in this shape. And I need to take responsibility for my part in all of this.
Mike has been good through all of this. He has to see me at my worse and I really dont think I even have a best anymore. I’m so grateful that God gave me a husband like him.
I’m home and feeling worked over. I hope the pain medicine works good tonight!
Yesterday, the hospital called and there was a cancellation. I was able to go do the evaluation for the aqua therapy early! Woot! Woot! God is good!
This morning, we got up & went to Charlottesville to find a plus size bathing suit. Ugh. Mike was great, as usual, & helped a lot. We started at Kmart which is going out of business. I just got a bottom piece. None of the one-pieces seemed big enough.
Side Note: Toys are 40% off! Got a few for Noah. It was so much fun looking for him. This store has brought in more merchandise than they normally have so it was also a great selection.
We went to JC Penny & some plus-sized store (I forget the name) but the bathing suits were way too expensive. But with trying them on, I realized I cannot wear a one-piece in my condition so I knew I had to go for the two piece. Finally found a good top at Belk.
Next, we went to the therapy session! Since there were stairs, they used a chair lift to get me in the pool. I freaked out going in the water. I finally got calm & the session went great. I felt like “Vickie” was back. I now want to live in water. I’d say my pain level went from a 7 to a 2 while I was in that water. It was terrific!
That being said, leaving the water I was hit with instant pain (level 8/9) instantly. This whole experience makes me realize how much of “me” is gone. Sure, we can say the degenerative bone disease was my genes but we can’t ignore the weight issue. I wish I could warn other people how bad food addiction is. It was fun at the time but the penalty I’m living right now… well, it just wasn’t worth it.
However, I am thrilled I got to go in the water and I’m just going to continue to trust God that there is healing in the future for me.